


I'm Thinking About the Fireworks That Go Off When You Smile

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-17
Updated: 2006-11-17
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "This fun you speak of...how does one find it?"





	I'm Thinking About the Fireworks That Go Off When You Smile

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This is a sequel to This is not The Graduate. That was just a little drabble, but this one goes a bit deeper. The title comes from The Pretenders song Don't Get Me Wrong, which was playing on the radio while I was writing.  


* * *

CJ looked up from Time Magazine when she heard a light tap on her door. It was a rainy Sunday evening, who could possibly be at her door? She was actually surprised that the press was not camped out outside her condo; they probably figured she wasn’t there. CJ was supposed to be in Athens on her honeymoon right now. Instead she rode off on a motorcycle with Josh Lyman, got oil all over a wedding dress she would not be able to return, and drank a bottle of Ballatore. She passed out in his bed, waking the next morning with a massive hangover. Josh asked if she wanted to stay with him but CJ declined. While she appreciated what he did for her, she had to face the music.

What the hell was she thinking? She did not love Michael…she was not even sure if she liked him. What happened in her life that she thought this was a good idea? The press was all over it though; they thought the dashing political strategist was perfect for the plucky Press Secretary. He did not even seem to mind that she had 3 ½ inches on him. Michael wore CJ like a Brooks Brothers suit, and he always looked good in his clothes. The press ate the relationship up…gorgeous people with intriguing jobs who might procreate.

Over the past 48 hours, CJ wondered how it all progressed so quickly. She remembered the first couple of encounters…they took well to each other. She liked his smile and he liked her sass. In the beginning, the sex was top of the line. There were expensive restaurants, Broadway shows, and shopping sprees. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world. He did not want to hide her in the closet or make her second fiddle. With Michael, CJ was always the front-page headline.

Still, something was off. She had to talk a certain way, dress a certain way. Only one-half of herself could shine through. Michael was not a bad person; he would make some woman who definitely was not CJ Cregg very happy. A woman who didn’t crave independence like a drug. A woman who did not mind being all her man wanted her to be. It wasn’t as if CJ didn’t dream of having that special someone. She wanted walks in the rain, quick dinners on paper plates and heart stopping arguments that led to heart quickening making up. That man wasn’t real though…he was no more real than Michael was. Not all the introspection in the world would ever help her figure out why she walked down than aisle.

She got up from the couch and went to the front door. Staring out the peephole, CJ froze. Leo McGarry was standing there. He was damp and looked slightly perturbed. She watched as he knocked again before shoving his hands in his pockets. She thought of pretending not to be home. He probably heard the music though. New Order wasn’t on blast but not hearing it on the other side of the door was statistically impossible. Closing her eyes, CJ took a deep breath and opened the door.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I'm fine. Goodnight.”

She went to close the door but Leo held his arm out. Opening the door again, CJ glared at him. She wasn’t angry with him but God she wanted to be. What right did he, and that idiot Toby for that matter, think he had to tell her she was wrong. CJ was intelligent…she could have figured it out on her own.

“There’s something else you want to say?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Wow, thanks. Goodnight Leo.”

“CJ, please. Can I just come in and talk?”

“I don't want to talk to you.” She wanted to be defiant. She wanted to kick him in the balls but even she knew that was over the top.

“How about listening. Please, just give me ten minutes. I will say my piece and leave you alone. I promise.”

They spent at least 90 seconds just staring at each other. CJ tried to forget how much she loved those hazel eyes. Leo's eyes never failed to give away his thoughts, but you had to know him well to read them. She did know him well.

“Alright…ten minutes.”

She walked away from the door and into the kitchen. Pouring herself a glass of wine, CJ thought to offering him something but there was no need for him to be here longer than he needed to be to speak his piece.

“I'm really sorry.” He said when she came out of the kitchen.

She sat Indian style on the couch staring at him. It was unnerving but he cleared his throat and took it like a man.

“I had absolutely no right to do what I did, but as hard as I try I can't be sorry about it.”

“This is supposed to make me feel good? Wow Leopold, you should have never given up motivational speaking.”

He grinned a bit at the use of the nickname. No one ever called him that but her…no one ever called him anything. It was a term of affection and if she used it, not all was lost.

“I just, I don’t want you to hurt even though I know that you do. I take full responsibility for my role in it. I lost it CJ…I could not let you marry him.”

“And something in you couldn’t tell me that 24 hours before? You embarrassed me, and Michael, in front of everyone. Oh, forget it.”

“I know, and that’s what I'm sorry for. No matter what we say to each other, that’s never going to change.”

They were silent for a little while. She sipped her wine and just looked at him.

“I wish I could just disappear Leo. Michael didn’t deserve this and neither did I. Its going to take a long time for us to live this down; it will affect our jobs.”

“Yeah. Have you talked to him?” Leo asked.

“Oh yeah right.” she rolled her eyes. “He’s dying to talk to me. I'm expecting a bill for a lavish wedding and reception that never took place.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

“You will not!” she exclaimed. “I think you’ve done enough thanks. I can handle it. Look, have you cleared your conscience because…”

“I love you Claudia Jean.” He replied.

“You probably think you do.”

“Think I do?”

“We had an affair.” She said in a matter of face tone.

“Don’t call it that.”

“What should I call it? It was some dirty secret that you to chose to reveal at my wedding, making me look like a whore.”

“The list of things which I have done that are stupid is quite long.”

“Knowing is half the battle.”

Leo sighed. He was not going to get through to her; she was still so angry. She had every right to be but he wanted to reach her…wanted things to be right with them again.

“You’ve given me more time than you had to and though nothing has changed, I appreciate it.” he headed for the door. “Goodnight CJ.”

“Leo?”

He turned, and she saw the hope in his eyes. She didn’t even know why she called him back; had no idea what to say.

“I don’t know.”

He walked over to the couch, sat beside her and stroked her face. Taking her into his arms, Leo felt her exhale. His hand caressed her hair and he inhaled the scent of her fragrance.

“You're not alone.” He whispered.

“Oh yes I am.”

“Stop it. You will get through this and it will fade from memory. I know it doesn’t seem like it today, but take it from me. I know.”

“I ran from my wedding on a motorcycle.” She pulled away from him. There were tears in her eyes. Leo could see her once again constructing the wall around her vulnerability. “I don’t regret it; I just regret that I am going to have to explain it.”

“You don’t.”

“Be serious. You know what, don’t be serious. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I don’t want to talk at all.”

CJ kissed him, and thought it caught him off guard, Leo responded with fervor. He told her too many times to count that he loved to kiss her. He loved to feel her tongue in his mouth and her hands in his hair. She moaned into his mouth as Leo caressed her back. His hands went under her tank top; touched her bare skin as he had not in so long. When they finally withdrew, both were breathless. Then they were kissing again, murmuring incoherently as they touched each other. Thunder crackled, lightning lit the sky, and rain beat harder on CJ’s windows.

“Are we getting ready to have rebound sex?” Leo asked. He pushed the strap of her tank top aside and sucked her shoulder.

“Does that offend you?” CJ countered with a question of her own.

“I know it should but I can't stop wanting you CJ.”

“Good.”

“You are going to enjoy knocking me down a peg or two, aren’t you?”

“Only for tonight.”

She pulled him into another round of passionate kisses. Leo managed to get her tank top over her head, leaving her naked on top. He kissed her skin; lavished attention on her. CJ whispered his name as she arched her back. Leo went back to her mouth as they both worked on his jacket, dress shirt and khakis. Down to his boxers, Leo tasted her. He knew exactly how to drive CJ crazy with his mouth and tongue. Her nipples were hard and he made quick work of them.

“Leo. Oh God.” She ran her fingers through his hair.

He smiled against her skin. Was he vain because all he wanted was to hear that? Leo stayed on her breasts for a while. He didn’t know if they would ever be here again…he had to give his best performance. He pushed her shorts down long legs, kissing her thighs. CJ’s breathing was labored; she shifted her weight on the couch. Leo could barely control how much he wanted her.

“Now Leo, now!”

He stroked between her thighs and CJ cried out.

“So beautiful.” He murmured. “Too beautiful.”

Spreading her thighs even more, Leo immediately found her clit. She gripped one of the couch pillows…she did not want to fall yet. The torture was part of the foreplay. He took her to the edge once, twice, and again before pushing her over. He loved the way her orgasm made CJ scream. Leo gave her another for good measure before scaling her sinewy body with his tongue.

“I hate how good you are at that.” she said, caressing his face.

He kissed away her complaints and she tasted herself in his mouth. He didn’t want to stop kissing her but CJ reached down for what she really wanted. His cock was hard in her hands, coming more alive with every stroke. Base to tip, she stroked several times. Leo groaned in her ear.

“Oh Claudia Jean, don’t stop. Ohhh…”

“Do I make you feel good?” she asked.

“Yes baby yes, always.”

“How good?”

“There is no word for it.”

Leo was quickly losing it. He was not young anymore and a second erection was not set in stone. He did not know what she planned to do but her time was running out.

“Baby…baby I need to be inside you. I need to hear your desire for me.”

CJ kissed him as Leo thrust into her. They both stilled to control the flow of their want…they needed it to last. Leo started to move, hitting the spot almost immediately.

“Leo!” CJ bit her lip. She took hold of his hips, moaning loudly.

Leo wasn’t his usual cheeky self. He was in deep concentration; her pleasure was all that mattered to him.

“Oh God, oh Leo, mmm.”

He could not hold on much longer. His hand reached down to stroke her clit. CJ shivered, gripping him tighter. She cried out her orgasm and Leo was right on her heels.

“Claudia Jean!”

“Oh my God!”

She could feel his heartbeat on top of hers; his ragged breaths in her ear. She had worn him out, the way they both liked it. Leo went to move but CJ held onto him. They both loved the feeling of being that close to each other. It was not just sex; though CJ finally found in Leo someone who could completely satisfy her. CJ laughed when she thought about it. Making love to him was like reaching a new plane of understanding. Unfortunately, that feeling did not spill into the rest of their lives. It was not meant to be she figured…ultimate perfection and dismal failure all wrapped in one man.

What was it about Leo McGarry that made CJ swoon? He was not traditionally handsome, though his good looks could not be denied. The skeletons were so plentiful he didn’t even bother to lock them in a closet. Leo wore his triumphs and tragedies like his favorite sweater. He had a wicked sense of humor and a grin that could stop traffic. He never talked to CJ as if she was dumb, or beneath him. But that was at home Leo, and that man rarely shone through. Work Leo, real Leo, was someone who could not love. He didn’t have time or the inclination. They were never going to be, it was as if some cosmic force was preventing it.

“You should go.” She said.

CJ turned her body underneath his, Leo had no choice but to pull out. He rested his back on the couch for a few minutes.

“What?” he seemed confused. He always did after the intense sex.

“Go Leo.”

“You're kicking me out?”

“No, I'm asking you to leave.”

“Oh, so you got what you wanted and now its time for me to go?” he got up from the couch and started to dress. He knew it would be coming one way or another but he did not have to like it. Leo had no problem expressing his dissatisfaction. He watched her wrap a blanket around her naked frame.

“Its not like that OK? God, it was just sex Leo…antelopes do it.”

“Antelopes? How come I never noticed how cynical you were before?”

“Gee, I don’t know.” She sipped her wine.

“CJ, I need you to know I hate this.” He said.

“What?”

“The whole damn situation. You have to know how much I care about you. I don’t want you to…”

“What, throw you out?”

“If you have to, I guess you have to. You're probably right anyway.” He put on his jacket and went to the door. “Goodnight CJ.”

“I won't be back at the White House for a week. I'm going to take my honeymoon so to speak. I need the time to clear my head.”

“Its your time. I wish none of this had happened. You're strong and will pull through but it doesn’t mean you should have to go through these things.”

“That’s life.” She shrugged. “Why did you come here tonight Leo?”

“I wanted to be with you. I wanted to apologize, give you a hug, and maybe make you laugh. You're my friend and you're in a shitty situation, partially caused by me. Can we just…lets do something fun and not be mad at each other anymore because I hate that more than anything.”

“This fun you speak of…how does one find it?”

“We’ll get food, watch a movie, and have absolutely no conversation about anything of substance.”

“I have Rear Window.” She replied.

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

She smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Once or twice. It usually requires ice cream and girlfriends.”

“I’ll be your girlfriend.” He said.

She laughed aloud, dropping her blanket and quickly dressed.

“I'm not touching that one Leopold. Come and sit with me.”

He sat back on the couch, trying very hard not to let his mind wander to what was happening there about 20 minutes before. CJ leaned to kiss him again.

“I thought we were going to do Hitchcock.” He said.

“We are. It’s a thank you kiss.”

“For what?”

“Not letting me make the biggest mistake of my life, even if you could have gone about it a better way. I'm still mad at you, but I'm thankful too.” She stood up. “I need to freshen up. There is a 24 hour Chinese place that delivers…menus are in the kitchen drawer.”

She went to the bedroom and Leo sat back on the couch. Taking a deep breath, he tried to focus on the rest of the night. It seemed insane that he had to concentrate so hard on taking it easy. He went into the kitchen and into the menu drawer to find that Chinese place. Leo’s eyes fell upon a picture…he remembered the day he took it. He and CJ sitting on her couch, both wearing happy grins. Their joy was now frozen in time.

“Did you find the menu?”

Her voice startled him; Leo dropped the picture back in the drawer.

“Yeah.” He grabbed it and then moved toward the phone.

“I pulled the plug.” She said, asking him to use his cell phone.

“Sure. Are you going to stay here huddled in this condo for a week?”

“That’s the plan.”

“You could go away.” Leo said.

“Where?”

“London. I have a place there and you are welcome to it if you'd like. I don’t think you'll get what you need here.”

CJ nodded though she did not want to talk about it anymore.

“C'mon, I'm hungry. Lets just eat and act like we are normal.”

She opened the drawer, caught a glimpse of the picture, and closed it again. Leo called in the order as his companion searched through her DVDs. She smiled, starting the movie. They sat on the couch together and dropped the heavy weights. The food arrived; they ate and drank more than they needed. CJ found her way into his arms and they dozed off as the storm outside moved along but the rains remained. She slept better than she had in months in his arms knowing that when she woke she would take him up on his London offer.

She needed to clear her head…DC was her prison right now. One week was all she had to get it together. Would there be anything for she and Leo when she returned? Oh God, that was the last thing she needed to be thinking about right now. Men were being crossed off her list for the duration. She was White House Press Secretary and that was good enough. Everything else caused too much trouble. Personal things would have to take a back seat…they had already done enough damage. She woke suddenly, looking up and seeing Leo awake.

“I'm starting to think you are a robot life form of some sort.” She said sleepily.

“What?” he laughed. “What are you talking about?”

“You never sleep. Is the couch uncomfortable?”

Leo believed it to be the most comfortable couch he ever laid on. He just stroked her back in response.

“I do sleep, just not much. Go back to sleep baby.” He kissed her forehead and CJ relaxed her body on his again.

“Did you mean it when you said earlier that you love me Leo?”

“Yes.”

“I love you too.”

“I know.”

“Then why can't we make it work?”

“We hardly tried. Maybe we should try.”

“Nothing comes before your work. You live for the President and the party.”

“Maybe we can talk about it some more in the morning. I think you should sleep. After what happened this weekend no more big decisions need to be made. Please.”

They shared a passionate kiss and CJ did sleep again. Leo held her close, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to but wanting so much to look after her. Who’s to say it couldn’t work…he did not care if everyone said it. He loved her and didn’t want to stop fighting for her. What he did at her wedding was stupid but it was the only way. And that was why she was sleeping in his arms tonight, and not Michael’s. He wanted her always to sleep in his arms.

***


End file.
